She’s slow,
And I’m supposed to help her?
Don’t lose my patience?
Since when did I ever lose my patience?
I want to help her!
But I seriously suck at Guzheng.
If it was the luan,
I would have gladly helped her.
I teach her this method,
Eve teaches her another…
She gets confused.
Let Eve teach,
And you blame ME for not teaching,
Or teaching her the wrong thing.
You say that she had low confidence due to scoldings,
Especially from Eve.
You don’t want to teach her cos you know you’re gonna scold her.
Then?
You simply just throw her at me and expect me to spend HOURS teaching her while I’m supposed to be doing my own homework and projects.
You say I should understand her,
Cos I’m also slow at learning.
Yeah…
All I can say is that she’ll have to try ON HER OWN and not rely on others so much.
Not expect me or Eve to give answers all the time.
Who taught me the luan?
Who taught me how to play the eupho?
You say you’re giving all the support you can to her.
Fetch her from tuition,
Fetch her from school,
Encouraging her to play more….
This is enough.
She has to try things herself,
Or she'll never learn.
Isn’t it fair already?
When I was young,
Who could I rely on?
Where were you on my first day of performance?
Did you come and fetch me after school?
Did you fetch me from tuition?
Daddy used to fetch me from tution when we lived at
Aunt Alice used to fetch me home till Primary 2,
Till we shifted house.
Then I went home ON MY OWN.
I was slow in my work,
Asked you to teach and got scoldings and whacks in return.
Dad used to ignore me.
Even now,
Ask him something,
How many times he gave me the answers?
You say Yi Ping was bullied at school quite a few times.
You went down and solved them.
Did you know that I was bullied too?
Did you know why I took baths sercretly?
Did you know how I had blue blacks on my back?
Did you know how I used to skip recess and save money just to buy back all the exact same pencils that my classmates took from me?
There was once you knew.
I told you.
You scolded me.
That’s all.
When I was in Primary and Secondary school,
I tried to be a good girl.
I listened to you,
Did what you told me to.
Though stupid,
I tried hard to pass my subjects.
I did this out of respect,
And also to make you notice me.
Woot.
Look what I’ve got.
Eve’s the rebellious one in the family.
Look,
She can come home late at around 10PM in sec 2 when I can’t even go out till Sec 3.
And my curfew is at 7PM.
She gets what she wants…
Look;
Mp3 player,
Her way of doing things,
Her own room,
Her own table,
The design of her room,
My stuff.
I’m made to give in to her.
She takes my stuff,
It’s ok.
I touch her stuff,
It’s NOT ok.
It’s hers.
Not mine.
She gets stuff even when she fails badly.
I get stuff only by earning them with results?
Say what?
If she behaves and pass all her subjects
(even if just pass),
She gets to go
Wow.
I used to be so naïve.
I just can’t help thinking this way.
Why are they getting all the things I haven’t got?
Mom’s trying to be fair.
But I just can’t help thinking sometimes.
Eve wants this bed.
You buy.
Eve wants this portable DVD player.
You buy.
Eve wants this necklace.
You buy.
Eve wants these earrings.
You buy.
Eve wants to go out.
(Even if she just went out 2 days ago)
Ok,
You say.
I used to heck care.
But seeing Eve like taking everything for granted,
It makes me jealous.
She has loads of bags.
Buy and accumulate.
New ones come in,
The old ones are left in the cupboard.
I use the old ones.
I get bags mainly through my Aunts and my mom.
I get an average of 1 new bag in 1 to 3 years,
She gets one every few months.
Nice.
I dunno wad I talking alr…
Somehow,
It turns more materialistic.
Woots.
I’m just jealous.
When I was born,
My parents worked till 7 at night.
They reach home tired,
We seldom get to interact.
Only sometimes during the weekends I get to eat with them,
Go for walks in East Coast.
Dad would then put me on his shoulders and I would feel so happy and big.
Those are the times I wanted so much.
I was the only one in their world.
Not Yi Ping,
Not Eve.
It’s selfish,
But I want that.
No more “You have to set an example to your sisters.”
It’s just the 3 of us.
I'm just dreaming.
No way it can happen now.
No comments:
Post a Comment