Woo..
DAmn sian.
Now in "office",
Just finished checking a humongous pile of data.
Boo...

Damn sian yesterday.
Mom made me go cut my hair.
Damn short now,
Like my sec2 hair.
Less messy,
More 'toot' looking.

Heck care la,
Hair will grow one la.
So not so bad.

After that,
She dragged me out to shop for clothes.
My sis went too.

Look here,
Look there,
Don't have what she wants.
I dunno what she want or have in mind,
And I also don't have anything I want in mind.
She got irritated after awhile,
So did I.

We ate lunch at 5PM?
She scolded me,
Saying that there's no point coming out,
Cos I don't have anything in mind.

I almost blew my top man.

1. I DID NOT ASK YOU TO BRING ME OUT.
You dragged me out.
I didnt say that I want you to bring me out.
I didnt say that I wanted OR needed a haircut.

2. I haven't worn a dress out for more than 2 years.
I HAVE NO INTENTION TO BUY ONE,
DONT EVEN START ABOUT THE 'DONT WEAR BLACK' THEORY.

Don't mention dress
I even have trouble making myself wear a WHITE shirt,
For gawd's sake.

NO feminine shirts even,
And you want me to skip jump a wagon,
Directly into a DRESS??
A NON BLACK ONE somemore!

PLease...
Its like calling a cow who has been eating grass all through the years to suddenly switch to eating corn...
Stop forcing me.

I think this is the 1st time in history where a girl cries when her mom bring her to see feminine clothes,
And a girl trembling at the dressing room where she is made to wear dresses.

My God...
People,
Please don't ask me why I tremble at the sight of dresses...
Even I myself don't even know.

I tried choosing afew,
Dresses and disgusting girly tops,
You looked at me and asked,
"Do you think you'll wear them after CNY?"

The things you're making me try aren't what I'll wear after CNY can?
Since when have you seen me wear a stupid dress out?
Skirt?
Girly tops?

What in the world is wrong with t-shirt and jeans?
They're comfy,
You can wear them almost ANYWHERE,
And they NEVER get out of date.
There are so many types out there too.


I did my best.
You tell me to try on clothes,
I try.
You tell me to cut hair,
I cut.

You're my mother.
Like what you taught me all these years,
I kept all my unhappiness inside,
Tried to put on a happy and interested front.

Why compare me with Cheryl?
Why compare me with Wei Ching?

I'm not them,
I'm not as pretty,
I'm not as smart,
And I'll never be.

I don't want to either.
Why can't you just accept who I am?

I'm Lok Jie Jun.
Not Cheryl Ng Hui Xian.
Not Ng Wei Ching.

I know that I'm not the boy you wanted.
I know that I'm not the 'daughter' image you had in mind.
I know its my fault I have a boyish streak in me.
I know other people are talking about me.

Fine lo.

Scold and nag me all the way home,
Once upon reaching home,
Complain to dad saying I not interested and stuff.
Good lo.
Let you win.
You're my mom what.

Was crying when Elaine called.
She comforted me,
Saying I should change myself and not for others,
And talking with my mom about this.

I know I should change for myself.
That was what Dave told me too.
I believed in it...

But recently,
I dunno why,
All my aunts and my mom's friends are talking about this too....
All of them are telling me that I should change whenever I see them.
This plus my mom's daily naggings...
You don't know how it feels.

As to talking to my mom,
I tried.
But like the past for as long as I can remember,
She listens only to those she agree.
If you say or try explaining something or your thoughts that doesn't go her way,
She'll just scold you for it,
Even if her friends agree with it.

But chatting with Elaine and Mark really helped.
Haha.
She said something that was said to me ages ago.
"Its okay if you wanna remain who you are.
When you meet the one you really love,
You'll change for sure.
It'll make you want to change.
But for now,
Just be who or what you think is best."

Thank you.
Really thank you.