Doing report,
But surfing!!
Hah!

Post some jokes up.

Ah Lian called big brother Ah Beng over the phone.
Lian: "Ah Beng kor, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed, mah-chiam all the edges cannot fix together lah."
Ah Beng: "Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha?"
Lian: "The box shows a big rooster, kanna like the one in talkingcock.com."
Ah Beng: "Okay, lah, okay, lah. I come over to tor-long lu, lah."
Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place, where she happily leads him to the kitchen table where the jigsaw puzzle is.
Ah Beng examines the puzzle and says, "Si ghee na, si bay gong, put back the corn flakes into the box, lah."

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Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio,
the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your
father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"

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QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah".

QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns)

QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hee hee hee (hokkien for fish)

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QUESTION : What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy Tales?

ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."

and Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka li kong..."

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(Act 1)
Ah beng to a long-distance telephone operator: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND LAS VEGAS?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah beng: "THANK YOU," AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

(Act 2)
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Ah beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime,
Ah beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL".
Ah beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS.".

(Act 4)
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"
Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host : "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more oliginal answer : Gu ni !" (cow milk in hokkien)

(Act 5)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me....

(Act 6)
In an English class: Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother.
Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay & Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo.
So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)"
The teacher fainted.

(Act 7)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So kena lor!"
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But.. what happened to the other ear?"
"That stoopid dumbo called back!"

(Act 8)
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

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A Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

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translate "buy prawn noodle has problem" to chinese.

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Marriage Jokes

1) There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

2) A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

3) If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

4) As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

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