Yo people...
Yes, I'm still alive, though not living much of a life.
LOL.

I've ended my "internship" at my workplace.
For those who still have no idea,
I was a "cher" at a Primary school.


In overall, it has been a good experience,
And I enjoyed working there very much.
Time flies really quickly (Maybe a little too quickly),
Unlike other jobs I had where I dreaded going to work,
And time was wasted practically wishing for the clock to reach 6.30P.M.
(Even though it is not even lunch time.)

However,
The last 4 weeks was a horrible one...
The relief who was supposed to take over me left suddenly.
That was not too bad...
The bad part is that she apprently had a 'honeymoon' here,
And left my kids lagging superbly behind in their syllabus.
 
I was informed that she had left halfway in P5 camp with the kids.
So after the camp, I returned to school the next day taking back my kids for math,
And needing to learn how to teach P5 Sci and P2 Math,
Which I had totally no idea of what to teach and do.


The 4 weeks was spent practically struggling to finish the syllabus,
PLUS worksheets PLUS tests PLUS holidays PLUS mock exams.

(My kids were practically 2 topics behind!!!!
AND the worksheet of the topic that the relief taught was not even done!)

Was experiencing hell loads of stress, reading up, lesson planning and marking...
And my present for my last week in school was the Mock exams.
MY GOD.

My colleagues were asking me if I was excited about schooling in N.I.E. during my last 2 weeks in school.
I really don't how how to reply them... :(

Cos at that time, my mind was only thinking about how to finish teaching the syllabus and worksheets.
You see, Mock exams are coming, and I was still teaching the topics tested 2 weeks before the exam!
And not to mention that I'm struggling with the workbook activities and worksheets.
I made some girls stay back and tried to help them as much as I can...
I felt so bad having to teach them so many things in such a short period of time.

I managed to mark the Mock exam papers and saw their results...
Very, very disappointing...
Till now, I'm feeling VERY guilty for their results.
Some of the colleagues who knew what I was going through told me that I had done what I can,
And that I'm leaving, so its okay. Some even added that I'm a un-trained.

Yes, I've done what I can - I did my best.

BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT MY CLASS DID BADLY FOR THE TEST.

WHAT COULD I DO?

WAS THERE ANYTHING THAT I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER AT THAT TIME?

ALL I COULD DO IS TO AT LEAST FINISH THE SYLLABUS AND ACTIVITY WORKSHEETS.
SOME TOPICAL WORKSHEETS TOO.

BUT STILL, I STILL CAN TELL YOU THAT IT WASN'T ENOUGH.

I'M WORRIED THAT SOME OF THEM STILL CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE TOPIC WELL ENOUGH NOW.

These are all stuck in my head till now.
OH THE GUILT AND SHAME I felt when I briefed Kaiwen about what to do...
Quite a number of backlog work still...
I felt so bad, like I was throwing things to her...
But what could I do?
It was my last day.
I really did what I can.

I'm not talking about "leaving soon so its okay" and the issue of being an un-trained.

UTTER RUBBISH.

Who says that because you're leaving and/or being an untrained give you the right to "heck-care" your kids?
Because you're untrained, all the more you should do more to help the kids to make up for the lack of experience.

Arrgh.
But what can I do now?
I've really done what I can and I need to go for my studies.
All I can do is to pray for the kids and the new teacher.
Pray that the kids can grasp the things taught,
Pray that they can adapt to the new teacher in the short Term 4 before EOY Exams,
Pray that the teacher can help them and teach them well.