Hello, world.

How've everybody been doing??
Haha.
I'm probably the only one that's reading this post after typing this...
Maybe one or two more people?

It's been about 2 months since I blogged....
My goodness,
How time flies...

Work has been horrible since the start of the year.
I feel like I'm thrown in a whirlwind,
Getting myself pushed along with all the chaos around me.

Time seems to go in an blink of an eye.
So many things to do,
Yet time is never enough.
What happened?
So many undone things,
So many things to take note,
So many things to do.
Tomorrow's the end of my break,
And I feel as if I have only started resting today.

And its not like I didn't work at all.
I've been checking e-mail,
Editing and doing work stuff till 10 minutes ago,
And my work laptop is still on.
Stupid,
Logged in at 11.00P.M. to find 6 unread e-mails when I've just read them an hour ago.

Really feel:
ARRGHHHH.

Mentioned about work,
Let's talk about personal affairs.

I've been slogging away like a fool,

Figuring things out myself as I go,
Watching and learning from others as I go.

Time flies,
And who knows?
I've missed out on so many things.
So caught up in my own world that by the time I look up,
The whole world has seemed to change.
People are changing,
People have changed.
Family side finally settled down,
Now there's friendship problems.
Let's mention one example.
It's been months since I met a particular friend.
Yes, her name has popped up in my mind so many times,
But I was caught up in work,
No time to call and chat.
There she was the other day online,
Flaming at me for not contacting her,
Telling me she's angry.

So there goes a female friend of mine.

I can't blame her,
It's all my fault for neglecting my friends.

The times when I'm free,
I want to go out, I want to watch movies.
But the timings are like, irregular?
More of impromtu.
Some Friday nights, 6 to 10 is my outing time.
Been meeting some of the girls lately.
Boys are either with parents or still in camp.
Bad thing about having mainly boys as buddies,
I guess.

Let's say one particular Saturday.
1P.M. to 3P.M.
HEY! I discover that I'm free!
Okay... Watch movie before alumni prac.
But... Who can I call out?
Some people working,
And I'd rather not call non-alumni people down to accompany me just for a movie,
It feels like I'm just using them to pass time.
I don't like the idea.

So recently,
It's been dinner alone,
Movies alone.

Only occasionally I get friends like Yuan,
Joce and Cheryl to accompany.
And those are the days where I can be certain of personal 'free time' and drag myself away from work and family. (for just awhile)

Not that I don't want people to accompany,
But who do I call when I'm suddenly free?
I don't want to 'make use' of people,
Calling them impromptu like that.

I don't know....

------------

Lately,
I noticed that I've been walking alone.
After that incident with my family...
Then I see myself at work,
Then those recent times alone at dinner,
At the movies...

Is this the punishment for getting caught up in my own things?
I didn't purposely neglect the people around me.
I didn't do it on purpose.

Even Qiqi has been rejecting me...
Think I must be really horrible.

------

I fell quite ill recently.
High fever,
Bone and joint aches,
Super inflamed throat,
Running nose,
The works.

That period of time was the worst.
No one called,
No one cared.

I have to actually drag myself out of bed,
Borrow money from my mom who was actually in a war with my sister that day,
Despite the sharp pain and giddiness in my head,
Despite having almost zero energy,
Despite having fever and an aching to visit the doctor myself.
That week was an important one,
Tried to haggle for 1 day MC,
Doctor insisted at LEAST 2 days.
Took 2 days leave,
Dragged myself home.

I was in bed,
Suddenly remembering work.
Dragged myself and typed the things to do for the next 2 days.
Couldn't stop thinking about work,
Feeling stressed,
I literally cried myself to sleep that night.

When I went back to work,
I realized that the colleague who was sitting next to me on the day when I felt unwell was on MC.
It hit me straight in the gut.

Then I realized that not all went well when I was not there...
Great.
All on my own.

-------------
I've been thinking of him more and more over the years.
I really don't know.
All I know is that I really need him by my side now,
More than ever.
He's the one I used to turn to when no one is there.
Though he's halfway across the globe,
He'd pick up whenever I called,
Regardless of the time.
I just know that he would be there.

But now,
I can't think of anyone to turn to.
Absolutely none.