After doing the previous post to 'grief' and get unhappiness out, had the sudden notion to post about this my health condition. (I have an AMX paper due by 5pm and I haven't started, so I'll probably regret this later, but oh well...) Not many people know about it (it's a 'woman' thing that is awkward to speak about), even those that knew don't really know much about it. Well... It matters to me, and it really is affecting me, but there is not much I can do about it. Not many people read this blog anyway... haha

The condition I have is called PCOS - Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It's not an exactly researched kind of condition... But basically, it's just referring to women with infrequent or no periods. In my case, my period did not come for a year and a half before I went to the doctor. The condition is that no periods = egg maturation with no eggs expelled = cysts in the ovaries.

The side effects are the things which are affecting me.

Hormone Imbalance

Female functions not functioning well = more male hormones than usual (Ah duh... )

Anyway, I always laugh when I read this from websites and booklets on PCOS. Finally I can have reasons to emo in one corner, rage or go crazy... Just joking lah! Hahaha

Well, there is an excess of male hormones in my body, which will lead to things like PMS, menstrual problems, weight gain, diabetes, increased risk of breast and endometrial cancer, and infertility, which brings me to my next point.

Physical changes

There are many physical changes due to the (extra) high levels of male hormones.

Here are some - excessive body hair, thinning of hair on head, deeper voice, acne, acanthosis nigricans

I'm lucky to be only slightly hairier than my sisters in terms of hair on my arms, but the hair on my head is thinning though... Hope that my (used to be) thick head of hair would hold up... I also have acanthosis nigricans, which is having dark patches of skin on my neck and underarms - very, very unsightly.

Insulin-resistance

Insulin is used to help to control the amount of sugar in the body. So, with insulin-resistance, my blood sugar and fat levels would rise. My metabolism rate would also be much lower than other people. In a nutshell, this means that I would put on weight VERY easily and it is hard to lose weight = obesity = high cholestrol, hypertension, yada, yada = heart disease.

Infertility

Almost all women with PCOS have problems concieving. Many are infertile, or can miscarriage easily.

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*sigh*

Further reading on, I realized that PCOS = no frequent menstrual cycle = hormone imbalance

The rest of the symptoms like insulin resistence, infertility, obesity, etc are all interlinked around one another. Yup.

Well, to make things worse, my specialist doc told me that I would have to try to lose weight, but it won't be easy as my weight would tend to go up automatically. He suggested to cut my food intake by a quarter to half. 

I was reading on some research papers. The doctors mentioned the bodies of women with PCOS will absorb more nutrients than others. I was talking to my GP doctor about it, he explained it in a simplified scenario. Let's say normal people eat - their bodies will absorb some nutrients from the food, may one our of four parts of the food's nutrients. For people with PCOS, three out of four parts would be absorbed. Because more in being absorbed, I would to burn more, if not, it would be kept and stored as fats in the body.
He then related the incident to me complaining in the past that my weight seems to be increasing every year since my poly days  where the symptoms are already present (By then my periods can already skip to once in six months), even though I exercised  Oh well... I have to really watch and reduce what I eat...

Anyway, moving  back to my specialist... He also told me that I am bound to have hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes in the future. The thing is only to take measures to delay (yes, delay, not prevent) them. Not a nice thing you'd like to hear from a specialist you pay $200+ for a single 5-minute session... In fact, he prescribed Metformin, which is a type-2 diabetes drug, for me together with birth-control pills to help make (or should I say, force) my period to come regularly.

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This is why I am really hesitant in approaching relationships. Infertility is what hits me the most. 

What am I as a wife if I cannot provide my husband with a family? Which mother-in-law would want her son to marry a person who is barren and cannot provide her son with a family? Even if my spouse doesn't mind, I would. If I were to marry in the future, I would want children of my own... Adopting, of course, is good too, but having a child of your own is something special. 

Even if I manage to pass through the infertility issue, what about the illnesses which I would get in the future? 

Why would I want to make a man suffer by having me as a wife? 

Someone who is ill, most probably can't give him and his parents a children... 

I don't know if I am lucky enough in this lifetime to meet someone who (and whose family) is generous enough to accommodate me and accept me as one of their own.