It's not convincing at all....
The more people tell me,
The more I process,
It just makes me want to give everything up.

It is not easy to go on after you've been left behind.
It really isn't.
I'm screaming inside,
And nobody's hearing it.

I look behind,
In front, around me,
And I can't see any light.
All I see is grayness and black.
And it's cold.

I can't see,
Can't feel anything.
I don't know what to do.

How can I go on?

Everything seems fine,
I seem to have picked myself up.
Yeah...
On the surface, that is.

Everything is like passing by,
I just can't grasp or hold on to it.
Everytime you touch,
It goes.
It's like you're standing in the middle of a fast moving crowd.
Things never stop.
You want to cherish,
But its gone in a flash.

I want to say it out but how?
There's no one to notice this side of me.
Not anymore.
No one to tell and assure me that everything's fine.

On the outside I'm okay for sure,
But I'm really crumbling on the inside.
I can't say it out either, it's not that easy.
I don't even know how to place it in words in the first place.
And its not just one issue either.

So everyday,
I'm just living my life as a cocoon,
Happy, sadness and anger lasts only for a little while.
After that, the moodiness automatically sets in again.
Not that I want it to be like that.

You can't help feeling this way when your feelings are automatic you know.
And when you realize, the moodiness has already set in,
And its difficult to divert or change it,
Especially when you're alone.
So please think twice before you criticize or give advice.

How do you know how I'm feeling?
To what extent?

People always tell me don't emo,
Don't emo,
You think I want to?
You think this type of thing can be controlled?
Do you think I want to have this bloody heavy thing in me everyday?
Who wouldn't choose to be happy if they could?
Who wouldn't?

I want all these to go away too.
I don't want to keep it all in me,
Cos I hate it.
Its so heavy that I could hardly breathe.
And it's painful too.

Don't say it till it seems like I want to.
It adds on and hurts me even more.